The in between

After celebrating a milestone birthday, I have found myself being quite reflective on many things. Particularly on being an actor and some of the reasons I continue to pursue this path. Though there are many reasons to quit, there are so many reasons to continue travelling and growing through. Ultimately, it’s because of a deep love for connecting with the behaviours, needs & expressions of what it means to be human. Being able to go deeper than surface level, in a multitude of ways.

I don’t have producers knocking down my door, I don’t have the string of credits attached to my name that I’d anticipated and hoped for at this stage in my career and yet! Here I am, with a deep inner world that is still seeking creative ways in which to be released and expressed. A true desire to create connections and spaces and moments where all the complicated, joyful, layered and often incomprehensible parts within us can be unfolded and explored. And what I’m slowly coming to realise is that we can find expressions for these depths in so many creative ways and forms. Not purely being reliant upon a yes from casting and being on set/stage. Not being reliant upon the work being seen or recognised, but purely allowing our creativity to pour out of us in ways that hopefully touch the lives of others. All whilst simultaneously expanding our own understanding of what it means to be human and to be wholeheartedly alive.

I keep thinking about the moments in between. The image above is a brief moment, in between takes of a self tape audition. A segment usually disregarded and edited away. Yet it is still a part of the process; the unfolding of that particular character I was exploring. The middling fragments have purpose and revelation within them. The other morning I stood in the garden with a hot cup of tea, right before the sun rose. Over the course of ten to fifteen minutes, light poured up and out, flooding across the land. I noticed, during that time, that the bird’s song changes. A new breath and movement expands through the air. It can be a similar experience at dusk. Being neither fully night nor fully day. Yet we can be fully present to breathe in those unique moments in between. To feel the many contrasting emotions that may arise and jostle with one another within that transition. There are so many of these moments. In so many different facets of our lives. We simply may not have paid much attention to them before.

For me, this can all have something to do with acting. Because all acting is, is reflecting life in the most authentic and present way. Listening to all that is around us and in front of us, then responding honestly in that moment. So surely, living a life where we notice the smaller details, where we make genuine connections with those around us and truly listen, we will only enhance our ability to create living, truthful characters. Especially when speaking someone else’s words or standing in front of a green screen or wearing someone else’s clothes etc. We can connect with that someone else in a way that enables them to grow wholly from a part of us. Fully alive and fully present. The more facets of ourselves we allow to the surface, the more of life we experience and fully observe, the more elements of a fictional character can become understood and lived in. Also… what a wonderful way to live our lives, actor or not. Fully present, wholehearted, layered. Sensitive to the world around us and the world within us; then allowing the two to intertwine and dance together.